Everywhere I look there's something that needs done. It's gotten so bad around here that I don't know where to start. There are piles of dirty laundry on my kitchen floor, a sink/counter full of dishes that need washed. My fridge needs a good bath - inside & out, the contents of our only closet downstairs are in my dining room after being kicked out for a tornado warning last night. My poor children need haircuts so bad and baths too - just from walking around on our dirty floors. I'm embarrassed. When I look at my chore/to-do list I feel sick & don't know where to begin. Have you ever had that happen? It seems like a lifestyle for me...not one that I embrace either. I hate it. Matter of fact it makes me grouchy.
I'm leaving on Friday...getting the heck outta here...I've got a ticket to Florida with my name on it (well, kinda...it's an e-ticket..)! I am SO excited to go! I'm going with my mother-in-law & my two sister-in-laws...no kids, no hubbies....YAY! I'll be gone for five days and my suitcase is pretty much packed. I'm just a little anxious for a break...can you tell?
As excited as I am, I have other emotions tugging on my heart. I sobbed to my husband earlier today about how awful I felt for feeling this way towards my life as a stay-at-home mom. It's so overwhelming right now with all that I'm juggling...What's that? You want a list? Good, because I feel the need to make one...
Pre-school-home schooling Caleb
Potty training Keston
...and dealing with all his 2 year old antics (like streaking EVERY time we go outside to play),
Weaning my (teething) baby...not easy...
& protecting him from his bully brother (guess who)
& protecting him from our house that never seems to be as baby proof as I thought it was.
And of course there's all the regular duties that every family has to deal with ALL AT THE SAME TIME...like meals, swim lessons, laundry, bills, yard work, cleaning up and just BEING a family.
I love my children. I love my husband. I love being the one to teach & nurture my children at home every day and I wouldn't trade our life for anything...but I need a break from it. But WHY do I feel guilty for wanting/ needing a break?
Yes, in my guilty state I have not only packed my luggage a week in advance, but I have also frozen several meals for my family, arranged for Andy to have a sitter 1 night while I'm gone, wrapped daily surprises for my children, stashed some new library books for C&K, and I plan to have the kids' clothes layed out for Andy too. So you see, I'm not just running off...right?
And really, I AM going to miss my kids. How will I ever go to the bathroom without my personal assistants there to get my toilet paper for me?