Everywhere I look there's something that needs done. It's gotten so bad around here that I don't know where to start. There are piles of dirty laundry on my kitchen floor, a sink/counter full of dishes that need washed. My fridge needs a good bath - inside & out, the contents of our only closet downstairs are in my dining room after being kicked out for a tornado warning last night. My poor children need haircuts so bad and baths too - just from walking around on our dirty floors. I'm embarrassed. When I look at my chore/to-do list I feel sick & don't know where to begin. Have you ever had that happen? It seems like a lifestyle for me...not one that I embrace either. I hate it. Matter of fact it makes me grouchy.
I'm leaving on Friday...getting the heck outta here...I've got a ticket to Florida with my name on it (well, kinda...it's an e-ticket..)! I am SO excited to go! I'm going with my mother-in-law & my two sister-in-laws...no kids, no hubbies....YAY! I'll be gone for five days and my suitcase is pretty much packed. I'm just a little anxious for a break...can you tell?
As excited as I am, I have other emotions tugging on my heart. I sobbed to my husband earlier today about how awful I felt for feeling this way towards my life as a stay-at-home mom. It's so overwhelming right now with all that I'm juggling...What's that? You want a list? Good, because I feel the need to make one...
Pre-school-home schooling Caleb
Potty training Keston
...and dealing with all his 2 year old antics (like streaking EVERY time we go outside to play),
Weaning my (teething) baby...not easy...
& protecting him from his bully brother (guess who)
& protecting him from our house that never seems to be as baby proof as I thought it was.
And of course there's all the regular duties that every family has to deal with ALL AT THE SAME TIME...like meals, swim lessons, laundry, bills, yard work, cleaning up and just BEING a family.
I love my children. I love my husband. I love being the one to teach & nurture my children at home every day and I wouldn't trade our life for anything...but I need a break from it. But WHY do I feel guilty for wanting/ needing a break?
Yes, in my guilty state I have not only packed my luggage a week in advance, but I have also frozen several meals for my family, arranged for Andy to have a sitter 1 night while I'm gone, wrapped daily surprises for my children, stashed some new library books for C&K, and I plan to have the kids' clothes layed out for Andy too. So you see, I'm not just running off...right?
And really, I AM going to miss my kids. How will I ever go to the bathroom without my personal assistants there to get my toilet paper for me?
Sweetie, after all you do for your kids and family, you deserve a break! and you're definitely not the only one that feels that way :)
ReplyDeleteJust a thought here, but I think we are better mothers and able to tend to our kids and home best when we have also tended to ourselves. And for moms that usually means some ME time. DON'T feel selfish about it. I know when you get back you'll have a renewed spirit and that will help you see all of the joys in being a SAHM and all of the icky things will seem a little less icky.
ReplyDeleteHave a GREAT trip!!
I agree with Tami above! I too am a sahm...and I feel the SAME way you do a LOT. But, we are not good mothers if we do not also remember ourselves and that we need time for us as well. Your hubby and kids are still going to be well cared for while your gone with all that you already have planned for them! You deserve a crown for that alone!! Have a Fantastic trip!
ReplyDeleteYou are a normal, beautiful, awesome mom. But we all run out of gas sometimes. I think guilt is built into the mom thing. I work way more than I would like, and feel guilty all the time about leaving Mya at the sitters. I am tired when I get home, and feel guilty sometimes for taking even 15 minutes to have Mya occupy herself so I can sit down. I know you love your family; I know I love my family. Take some time to recharge, you will be better for yourself and for them. I know it helps me when I do. Have a great trip!!!
ReplyDeleteYou're normal. Any mom that said she didn't feel guilty about wanting some time to herself, isn't normal. Yeah, she might mean it for a split second or so, but after she got that time, she'd feel a little off. You're normal. People tend to steriotype SAHM's as women who can get it all done and have it all together. Or women who are just plain lazy and don't give a poopoo about their kids. It's neither one to me. It is a full-time job that involves so many different tasks impossible to get done in one day. Plus, you're homeschooling? WOMAN! Give yourself a break! Go enjoy yourself. I know you'll miss your husband and kids, but try to enjoy your free time. You deserve it!
ReplyDeleteOh Julie, I feel for you. I konw I only have one and am not at home full time but with school almost over things are crazy and I feel the same way, just can't keep up. We too are leaving for Florida, but it is just Brian and I... I am secretly so excited. I will be able to sleep-in, ate my food when it is hot, etc. I am going to miss my little man but it makes me a better mama to catch a break. As it will do for you and wow precooked meals, sitters, clothes, hunny you are super women.... but just know that you are doing a great job. Your kids love you, not their clean house or clothes... they want you. Love you girl
ReplyDeleteI read your post last night, and saw this quote on another blog this morning and thought I'd share:
ReplyDelete“The world may not applaud us for wiping running noses, driving in carpools, or talking with our teenager into the wee hours of the morning. And until they are trained, our children might not thank us either. But as we set aside our own selfish desires and glorify God by joyfully serving our children, we are pursuing true greatness according to the Bible. Let us do so with tenderness, affection, and with a smile!” – Carolyn Mahaney
Enjoy your trip, and I pray you'll come back re-energized to serve your family. It's hard, but it's good! And it's soooo worth it!
You're doing a wonderful job as a Mom. Go have FUN and relax with the girls!
ReplyDeletemuch love,
Aunt Bren